passing of a stranger

my first day at tbc i went to yousuf sahib khan goth an hour so out of karachi. we were on this road destroyed by wheel deep sewage, and then we turned off into the jharis. there was matti everywhere, all sand no buildings for as far as the eye could see. there was a building in the distance, and because there was no road to speak off, we were making our way through the bushes any way we could manage.

i got off once we reached the site, and a blast of desert air hit me. the sky was blue, it was very hot. and in front of me was this stunning breathtaking beautiful four story bright red building. rising out of the desert where there was nothing for miles.
next to it were some very small mud huts, and a few children in uniform were nearby.

i couldn't speak. to have this amazing piece of architecture here. it spoke of love. every wall, every curve of the staircase, every window, was designed with aspect of beauty but sustainability and functionality as well. The classrooms were full of light and air. Perfect.
I didn't know Arshad sb at all, I have probably met him two or three times in the time i have worked at tbc. however, i feel like i know him through his work, through the 500 school buildings he's designed as a labor of love across Pakistan. And I feel privileged to have come across them. You are all extremely lucky to have known and shared a life with him. He has left his legacy, and a great one at that. May God bless his soul. Ameen.

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027.016 And Solomon was David's heir. He said: "O ye people! We have been taught the speech of birds, and on us has been bestowed (a little) of all things: this is indeed Grace manifest (from God.)"

027.017 And before Solomon were marshalled his hosts,- of Jinns and men and birds, and they were all kept in order and ranks.

027.018 At length, when they came to a (lowly) valley of ants, one of the ants said: "O ye ants, get into your habitations, lest Solomon and his hosts crush you (under foot) without knowing it."

027.019 So he smiled, amused at her speech; and he said: "O my Lord! so order me that I may be grateful for Thy favours, which thou hast bestowed on me and on my parents, and that I may work the righteousness that will please Thee: And admit me, by Thy Grace, to the ranks of Thy righteous Servants."

027.020 And he took a muster of the Birds; and he said: "Why is it I see not the Hoopoe? Or is he among the absentees?

027.021 "I will certainly punish him with a severe penalty, or execute him, unless he bring me a clear reason (for absence)."

027.022 But the Hoopoe tarried not far: he (came up and) said: "I have compassed (territory) which thou hast not compassed, and I have come to thee from Saba with tidings true.

027.023 "I found (there) a woman ruling over them and provided with every requisite; and she has a magnificent throne.

027.024 "I found her and her people worshipping the sun besides God: Satan has made their deeds seem pleasing in their eyes, and has kept them away from the Path,- so they receive no guidance,-

027.025 "(Kept them away from the Path), that they should not worship God, Who brings to light what is hidden in the heavens and the earth, and knows what ye hide and what ye reveal.

027.026 "God!- there is no god but He!- Lord of the Throne Supreme!"

027.027 (Solomon) said: "Soon shall we see whether thou hast told the truth or lied!

027.028 "Go thou, with this letter of mine, and deliver it to them: then draw back from them, and (wait to) see what answer they return"...

027.029 (The queen) said: "Ye chiefs! here is delivered to me - a letter worthy of respect.

027.030 "It is from Solomon, and is (as follows): 'In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful:

027.031 "'Be ye not arrogant against me, but come to me in submission (to the true Religion).'"

027.032 She said: "Ye chiefs! advise me in (this) my affair: no affair have I decided except in your presence."

027.033 They said: "We are endued with strength, and given to vehement war: but the command is with thee; so consider what thou wilt command."

027.034 She said: "Kings, when they enter a country, despoil it, and make the noblest of its people its meanest thus do they behave.

027.035 "But I am going to send him a present, and (wait) to see with what (answer) return (my) ambassadors."

027.036 Now when (the embassy) came to Solomon, he said: "Will ye give me abundance in wealth? But that which God has given me is better than that which He has given you! Nay it is ye who rejoice in your gift!

027.037 "Go back to them, and be sure we shall come to them with such hosts as they will never be able to meet: We shall expel them from there in disgrace, and they will feel humbled (indeed)."

027.038 He said (to his own men): "Ye chiefs! which of you can bring me her throne before they come to me in submission?"

027.039 Said an 'Ifrit, of the Jinns: "I will bring it to thee before thou rise from thy council: indeed I have full strength for the purpose, and may be trusted."

027.040 Said one who had knowledge of the Book: "I will bring it to thee within the twinkling of an eye!" Then when (Solomon) saw it placed firmly before him, he said: "This is by the Grace of my Lord!- to test me whether I am grateful or ungrateful! and if any is grateful, truly his gratitude is (a gain) for his own soul; but if any is ungrateful, truly my Lord is Free of all Needs, Supreme in Honour !"

027.041 He said: "Transform her throne out of all recognition by her: let us see whether she is guided (to the truth) or is one of those who receive no guidance."

027.042 So when she arrived, she was asked, "Is this thy throne?" She said, "It was just like this; and knowledge was bestowed on us in advance of this, and we have submitted to God (in Islam)."

027.043 And he diverted her from the worship of others besides God: for she was (sprung) of a people that had no faith.

027.044 She was asked to enter the lofty Palace: but when she saw it, she thought it was a lake of water, and she (tucked up her skirts), uncovering her legs. He said: "This is but a palace paved smooth with slabs of glass." She said: "O my Lord! I have indeed wronged my soul: I do (now) submit (in Islam), with Solomon, to the Lord of the Worlds."

- Surah Al Naml

we're stopped at a traffic light. i watch as a girl walks to middle of a patch of sunlight next to the road, and starts taking her clothes off (!). she wriggles out of her pants, pulls off her sweat shirt and tshirt, and revelas a teeny tiny bikini. then, just as you please, she casually takes out a book, flops down on the grass, and then, of all things, starts to study (!).

by the time the light changes and we drive off, i am a little awed, a little scandalized, and mostly feeling fat and very very covered.

***
i'm so used to being polite and smiley, i automatically wave a thank you to the car that stops as i pass it on the zebra crossing. the man stops, puts the car in park, rolls down the window, says something terribly sleazy, and whistles (like in the comic books) for the next 20 unbearable seconds it takes me to reach the end of the street. i hope no one else notices, but i am the only one jay walking and the crowd on both sides watches me walk the guantlet in indifferent amusement.

***
we're in a bus in a meaner city, i'm with my mother and her friend who is baby sitting us today. a man asks "hey are those real diamonds on your sunglasses?". my good old city girl reflex screams that the man wants to rob me, so i politely but firmly say "no no" and tense for combat. even when he says "whachu doin later tonight?" i'm still poised for pepper spraying him, and very honestly say "i'm with my mother right there" and there is ami beaming oblivious to our interchange in all her mommy-esque glory. his jaw drops slightly, looks at me and thats when i realize he was trying for witty repartee and not telling me to hand over my wallet.

it takes me two stops more before i see the humor in that foiled conversation.

i don't understand

you bastard motherfuckr

you cunt faced bitch


you bhenchod haramzaday

you randi kanjri chootia


fuck you fuck the party i'm not going, you fucking asshole


you fucking bitch you think i'd go with you anywhere!?


two very pissed off people sitting in two different rooms, one awake with rage and fatigue for most of the night, and ill with lack of sleep the next day


--------------------


what the hell are you wearing? i'm not going with you anywhere dressed like that!!


what are you fucking talking about!! i'm wearing SHALWAR KAMEEZ to a WORK DINNER you fucking moron. stop making excuses and get the fuck dressed we're late.


fuck you i'm not going.

FUCK YOU!


she goes alone fuming

--------------------


she's lying flat on the bed in her shaadi clothes staring at the ceiling.


a cousin walks in: ' z is asking why you're taking so long?'

she says: 'tell z to go to hell'

cousin gapes, mother in law gapes, mother freaks internally but calm outward. warning eyes falling unheedful on stubborn rebellious daughter


daughter goes with friends to wedding, selfish bastard stays at home

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10:30 am: ring ring

my heart. my love. you need to be ready by 9:30 today do NOT be late pumpkin


fine


12:30 pm: teet teet

just a reminder. 9:00 today. love!


ok


3:28 pm : ring ring

what!

what time will you be getting home my baby we'll need to be on time

you call me one more time i'm slashing your tyres tonight


6:00pm

you really need to leave my love? its cutting it close


(you *&@"!?,#$) its important baby just 10 minutes


745 pm

you're late! i told you you'll get stuck in traffic! how vould u hurry hurry hurry!


830 pm

they leave, her hair unstraight ironed and social anxiety ignored


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1045 pm another day

she's trying on her 8th outfit

stressed

annoyed


is it the pink or the white you annoying man


pink baby


the glass of disgusting scotch in his hand clinks a bit as he appraises the view

she makes an annoyed tsk decides to wear the white and slaps on some make up. aware they had to be there by 1030 pm.


she's just finished her eyes and is holding her lipstick when he come behind her to use the bathroom


she opens her mouth to make a guilty sniping comment before he starts the usual lecturing, when lips meet warm mouth


words muffle into her throat


they back into the cupboard lipstick falls to the floor and hands come up and enmesh into his collar


her consciousness reduces to one puddle of need


'whenever u're ready let me know i'll be in the living room'



And then 4 days later, he says he wants a divorce.

since no one seems to be writing, i'll just have to do it myself. humph.

the trees forked across the line of sight, a web of criss crossing birds, leaves and oak. she lay listlessly in the heat horizontal on the sofa, watching disinterestedly as two beetles in holy matrimony slowly, painfully crawled their way across the glass. clouds rolled past, beautiful blessed relief, stunning in the weather change they bring.

rain. rain rain rain and the skies weeping, in joy not sorrow as the world rejoiced with it. i would like to think that men, sweaty and tired after back breaking minimum wage labor also looked up from their dusty bread winning and looked up at the sky and smiled as the first drops broke loose and provided amazing coolness in the oppressive waves of heat. I know for a fact that children broke out from their roles as adult street hawkers, as primary household earners, as naan wallas and seven year old fridge repairmen, broke free and ran, ran ran stripping their tiny man sized kameezes and throwing them at the side of the nehr and jumping, canonballing their first world counter parts would call it, shalwars huge and inflated with comical effect as water and air met in places where the sun doesn't shine, and abandoned the vestiges of hard labor that the third world enforces on them, and they became just that - kids in the rain, washed of all responsibilities.

I’m not the sort of person
Who falls in and quickly out of love
But to you I gave my affection
Right from the start
- The weakness in me, Joan Armatrading

She’s working elbow deep in clay. Sweat drips off her forehead, which she doesn’t notice. She is intent on the impending figure that will emerge from the clay. She’s trying to spend herself, emotionally, physically, so she falls exhausted into dreamless sleep.
So she can’t think.
******************
The electricity goes around 4 times at night. She is woken up by a thunderstorm, beautiful wild rain pounding amid lightning on old brick roofs and 300 year old trees.

She walks the house at night with a flashlight, checking doors and windows. Drenched in sweat, not a drop of breeze in the house, she lies on the sweltering mattress and kicks off the 6 pillows and spread eagles herself so that there is no overlapping flesh to cause puddles of sweat.

Dreams of going back to school, a reunion, but its actually just him. In a room in the beautiful old building that haunted her childhood. Holding her, swearing he loved her, so convincing her foolish stupid heart believes him again.

And again, every time she lies down, she feels the gaping void. She can feel, feel him on the other side of the bed, where she used to reach an arm out to reassure herself he was there, and be unbearably comforted by his solid warmth.

Freezing in a too cold AC, and rolling over to him in the middle of the night so she could be find warmth. Persuading him to open lift an arm, and be enveloped in delicious heat, held safe between hard lines of stomach muscle and bicep while he snored unbearably reassuring in her ear.

Of waking up in the middle of a dream with a smile, because two three pillows hugged back.

Of going to sleep tangled together, of trying to escape to a quieter corner of the bed where snores didn’t crash so close, and have his arms tighten around her, not letting her go. Of lying awake and staying right where she was, because it felt so right.

Of waking up to the perfect breakfast in bed every day, a prayer and time to do pursue every dream she could ever have wanted. Of being back and being so taken care of, so unconditionally loved and supported, that she never wanted to leave to the awful place that broke her wings and her heart.

How can you have everything yet still want something so bad for you?

you fucking bastard give me my money and my life back

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the police come to the door. she opens it, and blocks their way. they show her a piece of paper. she shakes her head. they don't believe her, and have to firmly come in.

there is the sound of crying, a shout, something breaking. a man yelling, cursing. they come out again, with him sandwiched in the middle. the woman is crying in huge silent gasps, burying her face in the the yellow kitchen duster in her hand.

the neighbours are watching.

"can you believe the broad? he clocks her one, gives her a fresh black eye, and she's crying for him!"

- nora roberts

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bastard