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Monday, January 30, 2006

happy valentines day

he tiptoes in holding his shoes in his hand. the dog gives a little whimper, then continues to sleep.
he slowly opens the door.

the lamp is on throwing the room into a pale yellow glow. shadows everywhere. he looks around, hoping she’s not awake and waiting, and hence angry.
he notices the blanket askew, and figures she’s gone to sleep. he heaves a sigh of relief. guiltily promises to come home early the next week, after the project is launched.

she’s curled on the bed, arms incongrously flung in childish abandon of sleep. he strips down to his boxers, too tired to change. he snuggles into her warmth, and as always, even in her sleep she curls into his side in perfect harmony. he kisses her forehead fondly.

suddenly he notices her lacy lingre. a small part of her notices how deliciously sexy she looks.
red lingre? alarm bells go off in his brain. he fumbles for his PDA, and sure enough his calender schedule says valentines day in a bright red capital letters.


Monday, January 23, 2006

sexual healing

relationships with a U rating are painful for several reasons:
manifested upon (i) the people in the relationship themselves
manifested through (i) fights, racy banter, physically violent reactions to otherwise normal stimuli (wresting match over who gets the last toothpick anyone?)
cause: acute sexual frustration.

manifested upon (i) loved ones of the people in the relationship
effects (i) excruciatingly embarrassing moments of being part of a third wheel while other two cuddle at the drop of a hat (that chair can only seat ONE, people!), watching while the couple dances slowly to fast songs, being part of a dinner table conversation where the couple ignores you but stares at each other instead
cause: acute sexual frustration

manifested upon (i) random innocent bystanders near the people in the relationship
effects (i) physically nauseating innuendo filled conversations, surreptitious hand holding and inappropriate footsie playing
cause: acute sexual frustration

moral of the story: after the legal age of fifteen, parents should give children an exclusive annex of their own where they can run wild with no supervision. a box of condoms and a birthing video can also be supplied to health safety and sanity reasons.

Thursday, January 19, 2006


i hate her. i hate her because she’s stupid. because she’s dumb. because she’s rigid. because she’s cheap. because she’s embarassing and idiotic and doesn’t read and doesn’t understand me.

i hate her because she’s a know it all. i hate her because she preaches and knows what she wants and likes interacting with people and has great social skills.

i hate her because she’s childish and stupid, and hates pakistan, and seems to have regressed since i last saw her. i hate her because she makes mylife seem pathetic and stupid, i hate her because she doesn’t understand and doesn’t bother to.

i hate her because she’s too stupid to understand that she has a good thing going. that she has a great life going. because she’s too stupid to make the most of herself. she’s too lazy to make the most of her potential. she’s too lazy to get the energy to work at her job like she wants to, shes too irresponsible and she’s completely floating through life with no direction and no idea where she wants to go or where she wants to be. she ends up doing things other people tell her, which isn’t what she wants at all, but she can’t seem to intelligently get out of the traps she lets herself and just crashes and makes an idiot out of herself and is unprofessional. she’s stupid because she thinks too much. because she can’t express herself and it kills her from the inside. she hates herself, she hates everyone around her who she thinks should understand her enough to save her from explaining herself. she hates herself for her inability to have the energy, conviction or the skill to debate anything with anyone to show them her point of view. i hate this one the most.