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Saturday, August 28, 2004

why the hell? am i?

why the hell are all of you so shallow, pretentious and materialistic?
why the hell can do I look at you and see all our snotty, fuzzy adolescent faces and get annoyed
why the hell do I wish that I could be dumb and stupid like I was ten years ago and be part of your crowd or desperately want to be anyway
why the hell can’t I have a normal conversation with any of you?
why the hell do we have to try to yell over deafening speakers and ask about out jobs when none of us could give a flying fuck about what we’re talking about anyway
why the hell must I end up dancing with you when I don’t even know anything beyond your name?
I don’t even like dancing
I don’t even like you
why the hell do I sit with fifteen of you and still feel alone
why the hell do I feel fat, poor, badly dressed and middle class when I’m sitting with all of you?
why the fuck do I hate you and still continue to hang out with all of you
am I stupid masochistic and absolutely brain dead?
am I that desperate to have a life?
am I that desperate to pretend that I have friends? I have friends
other deeper more meaningful friends
they’re just not friends like all of you

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