why:
do i feel like i bent down
and someone got a glimpse of my panties
no
worse
that someone got a glimpse beyond my panties
shame
why?
when at the same time the closet attention whore in me
revels in it
what is it about me
that always pulls me in two opposite directions
in everything
born in pakistan
worshipping the glossies abroad
born in poverty
aching jealous of the designer pajamas wearing best friends
born in luxury
ashamed for the dirty black little kids living in the disgustingly filthy quarters behind my house
felt self righteously justified when i complained
about the kids who stole my chocolates once
died a million guilt induced deaths
as they howled as their chowkidar dad beat them senseless
kept a secret part of myself
completely separate from the world
that even my frighteningly shrewd best friend for 17 years
doesn't know that part of me
that the attention whore in me loves the exhibitionism
that the everyday me feels like a dirty rude obnoxious bitch
for revealing the worst thoughts i think
and having people accepting them
liking them even
why!
1 comment:
now i'm generally a nice person, so i supressed what i wanted to say till this post got buried somewhere in the archives and i could reply:
what irritates me about the above comment is that its saying NOTHING. mouthing platitudes. and he didn't even understand what the EF i'm writing about. i'm sure he's a nice guy and all, but really.
idiot.
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