step on a crack break your own back

exhaustion. pure, unadulterated exhaustion.
stress. coffee fueled, foot tapping, gut twisting frantic stress.
pain. toe pinching, back hurting, sight blinding pain.

traleeleep, traleepleep of the phone, interspersing of the sex and the city dum ta tana of the cell. never ending time twisting body hopping things to do.

me at the end of the day that has no ending: "hi mr. ceo of large catering organization. you sound young, and you have a sexy voice. i think i remember you as the hot senior guy from school who used to date that hot bitchy chick a year junior to me. you've turned around daddy's business and single handedly doubled the organization capital and snob value in the three years you've been working. but i'm delirious from my weekend right now so i'm not intimidated, and i need three quotations for this event we're doing. i need help desperately, and i'm going to run to the bathroom and bawl any second now because nothing is finishing and more stuff keeps piling up and i don't KNOW three people in the entertainment business who i can get the proposals from. no one knows ANYTHING and the bastard who has to handle this has dumped everything on me and is refusing to help me because he's a petty peanut minded MAN with ego issues and doesn't want me to do well"

him: "i completely understand ms. feet. i will proceed to be the guiding light in your day, will tell you exactly what you need to hear and its clear that guy who i normally deal with is a total asshole: you could (a) handle this internally and hire my team to provide food and the hire a third party like X and Y to do the stage and lights, or (b) hire the event coordinator like the one you're in contact with. since your corporation probably has the 3 quotes procedure, in which case you'll need to call up ABC - this is his cell number... and XYZ: this is her cell number. this should do the job.

oh and please don't tell th event coordinator you're dealing with that i gave you ABC and XYZs number. she's going to kill me."

sheepish purely male chuckle like drowning in chocolate.

me: i love you. marry me now.

stress, lies and videotape

i hate my blog. i hate myself.

this was just a dream so no one get any ideas

the stranger came to me when i was walking in the garden. the first thing i noticed was that he was very good looking, and very familiar at the same time. his eyes were black. i couldn't stop staring.

he simply walked up, and licked my ear. his tongue - it was forked.

"i can give you anything you want" he hissed.

and i looked up, and in front of me was a mirror.

it was a metal plate actually, polished by little hands to a high shine. it distorted my nose, so it looked humungous, made my ears look huge, my eyes squinty, my teeth yellow, my knees crooked, and my back obviously, was twisted like quasimodo.

i could feel his tongue snaking through my ear drum. a hissing sound drowned out all thought.

through all the hissing, my head cleared a little and i laughed with scorn. did he think he could tempt me with looks? i had them, and hated myself anyway.

the tongue, it wiggled further. the mirror dissapeared, and before me stretched vast deserts of lonliness. my knees buckled with the sorrow, the loss, the aching lack of companionship. his nails, they dug into my back, gripped the base of my spine till i gasped in pain, and then he kissed my ear: "you can have anything you want my love. anything"

the hissing... it didn't stop. i was screaming at him to wait. i didn't have time to think. why did i have to? only the desert awaited. temptation of an oasis. no. i would not give in. i've seen the movies. i've read the books. the devil's always slippery.

the tongue is purple. i can see it as it tickles my lower medulla, and i stop thinking.

"yes. you can help me." how do i ask to stop the lonliness? how do i close end this request?

"give me sex"

i hear laughing, shrieks of it. i think its my own. its inside my head anyway. i let him in. i'm the one doing the hissing now.

"ITS DONE THEN" and the deal is sealed.

my arms, they go numb. with horror, i feel them start moving downwards. i'm in my bed, i'm trying to wake up, but its too late. its done. my hands, they do the deal.

i wake up screaming.