Fundi

They thump down the stairs like a herd of elephants, and crash into the living room destroying the peace.

 “I’ve baked two pies for you kids.” Her mom is dwarfed by the crowd, on her way out to a meeting.

Choruses of “thanks Mrs. S” are heard as they swarm the kitchen table like ants. A jingle of a key, a quick kiss on a cheek, and the door shuts.

“Hi blondie” my brother’s best friend Fadi ruffles my hair, and thumps on the sofa next to me, his legs covering up most of the three seater.  “What’s going on in blondie land?” He snatches my book with one hand, holding a can of string cheese in another. He presses it directly into his mouth.

“One - Go away. Two - that’s disgusting. Three - my hair is brown.” I use the cushion to swat him away like the pest he is, and grab my book before he reads the love scenes out loud like last time.

“Come on! You should be swooning that I’m even talking to you!” Grinning, he tosses aside the cheese string and moves on to the whipped cream can. “I’m hot stuff since I made captain”

“Fundi! The captain is bothering me!” A rumble of chuckles ripples through the group interspersed by repellant smacking sounds of perpetually starving teenaged boys eating.

“Yeah dude, stop torturing little kids.” My brother says unhelpfully.

“I’m ONE year younger than you. We could practically be twins!” I try not to yell, but it’s an effort.

“Relax blondie. We’re about to start our game anyway.” Fadi says.

“I hope you all lose!”

Disapproving looks dart towards my sofa as they make their way back up to Fundi’s room.

“Yeah then we’ll have to call you again to save us” Fadi says, grinning, not moving. He’s remembering last weekend when he had to wake me up and drag me to the Xbox to join their raiding party against some Korean team and I had gotten in a surprise head shot.

“Yeah Fundi threw those pajamas away without telling me. Those were my favorite!”

“Yeaahhhh I’m with him on that one. Those rags were obscene”

I eyeroll. “Yeah obscene like you cashing in Sarah’s v-card.”

He’s pauses mid-unfold getting up, and his eyes widen. “How on earth did you know that!?”

“More like she popped his cherry.” Fundi offers from the stairs. “Are you coming or not man?”

“Does the whole school know!? What the fuck!”

“Chillax dude, panties, twist, all that” Fundi’s voice recedes as he goes up the stairs.

“It’s like that rumor about you and that douchebag with the blue hair blondie”

“One – a rumor is not the truth, like you are Sarah. Two – he has purple hair. Three – a tattoo makes him cool, NOT a douchebag. Four - the boy is just a friend.”

“Yeah a friend who wants to get in your obscene pajamas.” He makes finger quotes around the word friend. “Boys are disgusting blondie. Tell me if you want me to talk to him”

“Don’t you dare talk to him!” I mimic his finger quotes around the word talk. “You guys have frightened away enough boys from liking me anyway, it’s exasperating.”

“Oh please. Dunking one kid in the pool doesn’t count as frightening away anyone. He was telling everyone he made out with you, it’s a good thing I heard him”

“Because he DID make out with me. And he didn’t after the dunking incident. You should be my wingman, not the cockblocker”

“Ergh that word blondie. Never want to hear that from you” He mock shudders.

“Cock. Dick. Penis. Schlong. Peter.”

He’s making a face but then he howls with laughter. “Peter? You’ve named my penis peter?”

“Argh no I have NOT. It’s a thing. People call penises’ peters”

“You’re hilarious blondie.” His shoulders are shaking as he gets up, hazel eyes lit with mirth. “If you ever decide to stop reading those trashy romance books and start talking to real people, give me a call.” He starts walking back to the game.

I throw the cushion at his retreating back, and go back to my book.