i hate surprises

standing in a garden at midnight is weird.
its hot, its humid, you can smell the heat in the air. a fountain rustles in a corner, something slithers in the bushes making your heart die and your soul shrink bracing itself for the disgustingly repulsive crawl of legs.
but the mission is paramount. for king and country.
you a little girly foot shake type jig hoping that the bloody thing in the bushes stays there. you ignore the sweat making tracks down your stomach, you lean forawrd hoping for a breeze, but this stupid city has none.
is it worth it?
just as your faith wavers, just as the rustling gets joined by unidentifiable creaking and whirring, and a scream is building in your throat and you're about to go runningstarkravingmadoutofthedarknessandintoLIGHT you see a light come down the road.
the signal! are those cretins even there? how long have you been there?you flap your arms wildly near the window (its the signal!!). nothing happens. bloody simple minded short attention spanned fools. you hop over to under a window (so strange to stand on the wrong side) and rap impatiently at the idiots within.

you see the yellow cracks though the curtain extinguish. the car lights are almost at the gate.
is there time to run inside?
too late. car driving in. you make a judgement call and stay put. damn the plans. flexibility is key. you can sneak in afterwards.

he brings the car into the curving driveway, way too fast as usual. she's sitting in the front seat, co-conspirator and part mastermind. i giggle silently, because i feel like we're ten (and they're five) and at mamoo's huge rolling mansion playing hide and seek in the trees again. we used to play with walkie talkies shaped like care bears. why did we not find that strange?

the car doors slam, they say something, voices murmuring across the lawn and don't reach the shadow of the tree i'm standing behind. i can see them through the branches.
and suddenly, while they're laughing the carefree cackles of youth, he grabs her arm and pulls her into him, and plants a kiss!. on the lips!

my mind shuts down in shock. i gasp loudly, but it doesn't cross the lawn. i straighten up, my first thought "are they crazy the chowkidar will see this isn't karachi what are they DOING" and the second is "oh my God YUCK why did i have to SEE that" and the third overlapping "oh my God since when" and then "oh my God why didn't i see this way before" and "oh my God its been happening for so long how OBVIOUS"

and revolted to the core of my being, they leave me alone in the lawn at midnight.

i hear the yells of celebration erupt a second later, lights coming back on, front door left open, and i run really fast and go in throughthe kitchen and pretend i was there all along no one will notice the timing.

i can't hug them in celebration though. its too creepy. and positively incestuous in my book, but i guess what a perfect story book ending for them?

but they're such babies though! MY babies!
yuck yuck yuck YUCK.
eW. why did i have to see that. WHY!