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Monday, July 03, 2006

ok i want to re-edit that last stupid post.
this is what happens when you forget how to write (struck by lightning bolts of writers block)
my words seem to jumble into repetitive words and hitch and pitch and lose their grip on the rain wet tar of concrete roads.

i'd stopped writing because he kept sneaking into all my words, turning them into wet candy floss hearts and fl0wers mush. and i have my pride, i'll never blog such drivel.

but this post is for all those in the tunnel. there is hope. its been around a year now, and my world has spun more than one revolution around a sun.

the gaping black hole of emptiness is gone. the hitch and stride of a day of hard work has meaning. how can i describe how the sun shines for me, how the rain falls so i can run screaming crazily happily through it? how can i write about how a drop falling off a leaf can hold so much beauty that i cry?

i'm sure it can be because of any given reason. for a work you love to do, for a friend you love to have. for me, it was love in itself and that is what i am here to tell you despite my lost ability to write.

love exists. whatever anyone tells you, don't listen. there IS a perfect happy ending, there IS that snow white picket fence, there IS that stomach flipping, electric bolt giving, giddy mushy madness with another person despite all your flaws and their flaws that survives for so long that you know just know it'll last forever and are still unbelieving when it does.

don't listen to anyone who tells you it doesn't exisit. don't listen to anyone who tells you it only happens once. and don't listen to that inner voice that slyly whispers saying you don't desearve all this.

embrace it. wait for it. your time WILL come, i am living cynical shining happy proof.

but remember that men are manipulative bastards for all that :)

6 comments:

discopapaya said...

:)

im happy that youve found happiness

Barooq said...

You sound 15 :)

Phitaymaun said...

well... welcome back is all i'm gonna say.
As for my posts being depressing?
Well, now that you're back...

Natasha said...

this was adorable. be happy always :)

Barooq said...

Ref to your comment, baba it doesn't make a slightest difference whether you like what I write or don't.
I don't expect any casual reader to understand what I write (the whole, not bits and pieces of it, and because its very personal or directed towards a particular person), that is why i donot give weight to any praise and criticism at all a critique or debate is always welcome though. That dictionary bit... that is my ultimate dream though: being able to pick random words and string them together and still mean something :)

And I envy you for being able to sound 15. And btw, you deserve all this, whatever this is. Everyone does.

Barooq said...

and i still won't be able to type on your blog. I hope you can punctuate yourself :D