I'm trying to put R to bed, which entails lying down in the dark, and starting one million rituals of procrastination of getting water, going to the bathroom, eating a snack, re-brushing teeth, going to the bathroom again, and then (my personal favorite) a little three year old snuggling into the crook of my arm and saying "so how did your day go mama?" or "tell me about your life mama", and often discussions of eternity, death, the meaning of life. He often startles me with his memory, recalling things I don't realize he was present for let alone even remembers. Whenever I'm tempted to shush him to sleep, I think God he'll be a teenager soon, will he ever talk to me like this again? And I always delay sleep just that little bit longer so we can talk.
Some days we have the luxury of time, some days we don't. We reached Karachi today for some work meetings, and I have to go out for dinner with an old school friend tonight. I need him asleep!
I lie in bed, praying he gives in to the yawns of exhaustion.
Children have a sixth sense about this, and never cooperate. Or maybe its the excitement of the new city and his cousins. He keeps pulling himself back from the brink.
I can hear the doorbell ring, my nanny letting in my dinner companion. She knows the drill, she tells him to wait "madahm" will be right out, and hopefully remembers to give him something to drink or snack on.
I mentally try to decide what to wear, so I save time. Did I pack the red top? I think I decided not to. The silver then. And probably the grey pants. Were they too short? Nah it's Karachi, it's ok. Feel a pang that I didn't pack my silver Jimmy Choo's, so will have to make do with my flats.
R's breathing stills. I try to shift, but his eyes flip open. Dang it.
I imagine doing my makeup. I had read something somewhere that pro athletes imagine doing the routine in their mind. Something about muscle memory, making routines faster or easier to do in real life. I imagine putting on the eyeliner flawlessly. The brows, the highlighter, the blush. I'm on my mascara when R goes back under. I wait till I've mentally done my lips before I shift again.
He stays asleep, and I'm free. I fling on my clothes in half a minute, mentally calculating how long Mr. famous last name must have been waiting. Probably twenty minutes tops. I put on my makeup as I just practiced, and it only takes 2.5 minutes. Yank on my earrings and shoes, and am out in five.
Sneak open the door, and whisper out to the living room where he is waiting for me.
He stands up, and I try to ignore the stomach flip when I see him.
We air kiss, and I apologize for making him late.
His eyes crinkle "I'm used to it by now" he laughs, referring to the last time we met and I was forty minutes late because of traffic.
"Putting a toddler to sleep ain't easy bud!" I mock punch his arm. "Let's get out of here before he..."
before I can say the words, there is my baby rumpled from bed, rubbing his eyes, pajama's hitched up his legs standing behind me
"Mama don't go"
Shit.
I quickly pick him up, mentally consigning the stupid nanny to hell. Why didn't she snag him at the door and put him back to bed! Idiot!
People obviously know I'm a single mom, but its another thing to literally have a toddler show up in front of my date. Is this even a date? Or is it a friend thing? I don't know!
R's eyes are welling up. "I want to come with you mama!" he says, clinging to my neck. I know its going to be another forty minutes before he calms down and goes back to sleep. Damn it!
I meet his eyes over R's head.
"Let's take him with us" he says
What!
"Erm that's a bad idea. Why don't we just take a rain check A" I say. Mr. Famous last name has no kids, and clearly no clue.
His face falls.
Shit. He was probably hungry or something and annoyed his dinner plans got canceled.
But R has heard "Caah mama, let's go in the cah" Damn it.
A joins in "Listen its up to you, but you're only here for one night, let's just try to do this"
Against my better judgement, I start walking to the car, toddler in my arms. God help me please
We get into the Audi, I ask him to disable the airbag for my seat. He's a little startled, but googles something and fiddles with another something and then its done.
R can't believe he got his way. He's all chatty in my arms, and A tries to make conversation with him. Cute. Maybe we can salvage this after all.
But then we get stuck in bloody traffic, and R falls asleep. Drool on my silver silk shirt, warm body stuck to me heating me up in the AC cold of the car.
We reach the dinner place, and we both look at each other, unsure of what to do. A looks at me, looks at the sleeping R, and then back at me. I can't help but laugh.
"I told you so!" I can't help saying.
"Let me see if we can push our reservation forward" he says. "Maybe we can go drop him back?"
"Sweetie, it's not happening. I'm sorry, let's head back" I say, used to many many years of failed social outings.
"Wait. Why don't I go grab some food for us from inside, and maybe I can come over and eat it at your sister's place?" he suggests.
"Oh! Er. Ok. Sure, let's try that"
We go back home, food cartons in tow. I put R into bed, for the night this time. We eat, me on the floor cushions an ear trained to the door, A on this sofa. He joins me on the floor around dessert, and we talk into the night.
Some days we have the luxury of time, some days we don't. We reached Karachi today for some work meetings, and I have to go out for dinner with an old school friend tonight. I need him asleep!
I lie in bed, praying he gives in to the yawns of exhaustion.
Children have a sixth sense about this, and never cooperate. Or maybe its the excitement of the new city and his cousins. He keeps pulling himself back from the brink.
I can hear the doorbell ring, my nanny letting in my dinner companion. She knows the drill, she tells him to wait "madahm" will be right out, and hopefully remembers to give him something to drink or snack on.
I mentally try to decide what to wear, so I save time. Did I pack the red top? I think I decided not to. The silver then. And probably the grey pants. Were they too short? Nah it's Karachi, it's ok. Feel a pang that I didn't pack my silver Jimmy Choo's, so will have to make do with my flats.
R's breathing stills. I try to shift, but his eyes flip open. Dang it.
I imagine doing my makeup. I had read something somewhere that pro athletes imagine doing the routine in their mind. Something about muscle memory, making routines faster or easier to do in real life. I imagine putting on the eyeliner flawlessly. The brows, the highlighter, the blush. I'm on my mascara when R goes back under. I wait till I've mentally done my lips before I shift again.
He stays asleep, and I'm free. I fling on my clothes in half a minute, mentally calculating how long Mr. famous last name must have been waiting. Probably twenty minutes tops. I put on my makeup as I just practiced, and it only takes 2.5 minutes. Yank on my earrings and shoes, and am out in five.
Sneak open the door, and whisper out to the living room where he is waiting for me.
He stands up, and I try to ignore the stomach flip when I see him.
We air kiss, and I apologize for making him late.
His eyes crinkle "I'm used to it by now" he laughs, referring to the last time we met and I was forty minutes late because of traffic.
"Putting a toddler to sleep ain't easy bud!" I mock punch his arm. "Let's get out of here before he..."
before I can say the words, there is my baby rumpled from bed, rubbing his eyes, pajama's hitched up his legs standing behind me
"Mama don't go"
Shit.
I quickly pick him up, mentally consigning the stupid nanny to hell. Why didn't she snag him at the door and put him back to bed! Idiot!
People obviously know I'm a single mom, but its another thing to literally have a toddler show up in front of my date. Is this even a date? Or is it a friend thing? I don't know!
R's eyes are welling up. "I want to come with you mama!" he says, clinging to my neck. I know its going to be another forty minutes before he calms down and goes back to sleep. Damn it!
I meet his eyes over R's head.
"Let's take him with us" he says
What!
"Erm that's a bad idea. Why don't we just take a rain check A" I say. Mr. Famous last name has no kids, and clearly no clue.
His face falls.
Shit. He was probably hungry or something and annoyed his dinner plans got canceled.
But R has heard "Caah mama, let's go in the cah" Damn it.
A joins in "Listen its up to you, but you're only here for one night, let's just try to do this"
Against my better judgement, I start walking to the car, toddler in my arms. God help me please
We get into the Audi, I ask him to disable the airbag for my seat. He's a little startled, but googles something and fiddles with another something and then its done.
R can't believe he got his way. He's all chatty in my arms, and A tries to make conversation with him. Cute. Maybe we can salvage this after all.
But then we get stuck in bloody traffic, and R falls asleep. Drool on my silver silk shirt, warm body stuck to me heating me up in the AC cold of the car.
We reach the dinner place, and we both look at each other, unsure of what to do. A looks at me, looks at the sleeping R, and then back at me. I can't help but laugh.
"I told you so!" I can't help saying.
"Let me see if we can push our reservation forward" he says. "Maybe we can go drop him back?"
"Sweetie, it's not happening. I'm sorry, let's head back" I say, used to many many years of failed social outings.
"Wait. Why don't I go grab some food for us from inside, and maybe I can come over and eat it at your sister's place?" he suggests.
"Oh! Er. Ok. Sure, let's try that"
We go back home, food cartons in tow. I put R into bed, for the night this time. We eat, me on the floor cushions an ear trained to the door, A on this sofa. He joins me on the floor around dessert, and we talk into the night.
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