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Wednesday, March 16, 2005

All ye still young enough to believe, still young enough to have that ever terrible emotion of hope, still young enough to look forward to an undefined future, to be ever aware of the eternal possibility of fulfilling the what if’s your lives: read on.

Reality is crushing. It’s a brutal tidal wave that drowns out individuality, it’s a land slide that smothers spontaneity, it’s the gale force wind that smashes your being into fragments.

Graduating is like being hurled into a black abyss. Your life flashes before you, almost tangible, echo’s still present in your bedroom, taunting. The first teenage phase of bouncing off the boundaries not your own, of hatred, passion and rebellion. Then the college phase, growing into your skin, silently screaming, whispering aloud, shouting across a quad and not caring how odd your voice sounds. Closing your eyes and discovering the voice that whispers inside, the voice that defines a ‘you’, a you finally understood. Of screaming out loud your inner being, throwing it out to peers with a bravery you never thought you possessed, being accepted, even successful.
Approaching the end with the last arrogant vestige of youth, facing your question mark of a future and tackling your resume job interview prep like you would write your 7000 word essay which is now a three hour process because you have the formula down pat.

Then realize that corporate life and academia are worlds apart. You struggle, naïve, idealistic, enthusiastic, trying to apply your essay writing formulas and your all nighter skills to getting volume of work done so you can get graded. Then settle in, understand the slow motion lifestyle that everyone works in, understand why work stops at work and should never be bought home, realize that this is not something that will end in a semester or a quarter, this is it, this is going to be happening for as long as the path stretches before you. You understand this is not a 50 meter sprint, it’s a long distance marathon instead, and all your skills, all your motivation, all your formula’s are for the wrong race. You plough on, slowly steadily, running, running, running.
You’re tired, crushed under the monotony and the repetition, the politics and the blue smoke exhumed by carcinogenic lungs.
You look up one day, and realize that the collar that chafed is unnoticeable. That the invisible shackles you forgot about are still binding you to your ankle chains.
You try to rebel, but its too late. You’re all alone, you’ve been assimilated into a faceless entity that is an adult, your life has ended and society has taken over.

And you’re too tired to care.

All you can do is write your mediocre blog, in memory of the what ifs you could have had, of the what ifs you could have been.

5 comments:

BaptizedLucifer said...

you know, it would have been ok, if it were JUST routine that made it suck. What with the crap harassment, lies, deceit upon which 'work' life functions.. makes like in itself not worht living, and im leaning that it is all that CRAP of humans that makes ppl yearn to be kids again... i always used towonder why anyone would wanna be a kid again.. i mean.. as an adult.. u can freak out and yet be in control.. its double the fun... but im learning.. more or less have.. that its thoseother retards that make u wish u knew not of the evuls of this world. (been researching for my paper on prositution in dubai.. so yeah.. i guess that speaks for itself... my thought process at the moment... ) its astrange feeling tho.. when u FIGURE something aout humans... about life... about routine... a certain calmness and numbness to it. Hmm.. i need food =) off i go. and congratulations! ur an aunt! that must feel awesome! im still trying to get my elder bro and sis married. argh! lol.. must be such a wow feeling eh... =D

Phitaymaun said...

in response to your comment:
Naw! I got plenty of my own. But thanks for the offer.
In respect of your post:
You don't have to give in you know. Everyone just assumes that since everyone before has we should just say fuck it and buy into the system. Sure you won't be successful if you buck, and will be ridiculed to no end, but you will have lived life on your terms. And honestly, that dun sound too bad a deal. People are cowards generally, its easier to erase your individuality in the face of tradition than to advocate it. Its only when you give up that your own blog begins to read like a cliched life from a third rate story. And frankly miss Feet, this shade of yella dun suit u much.
Keep that chin up lady, be the women you write like.

Phitaymaun said...

I've been to your place, just didn't like it there. So i went back to a more familiar state of helplessness.

G said...

wrote something last night which was nice and cheery, about losing hope and being a nobody. nice to see others are keeping the faith just as well. us naysayers and lost causes need to stick together. keep it up, and maybe you and I will share an empty cardboard box and a wet cigarrete on an empty street corner someday. encore?

Anonymous said...

hey jeeves ;)
this certainly is not a mediocre blog!!
...ok???