life is weird

we were sitting in the plane, and i was feeling gross because i ate cold pizza for breakfast, then found a hair in my food at Freddie's, then snacked on disgusting gogo club sandwiches. there was a bit of turbulence, and i was seated right next to the emergency exit and had to memorize the instructions in case we crashed and i had to rip off the emergency door (seriously! thats what the air hostess told me... serves me right for travelling with these new airlines.. what if i did that right then in some suicidal frenzy.. how would they stop me?). plus i was annoyed because i FINALLY for the first time EVER had a hot guy was sitting next to me (like.. one of those things you always want to happen but it never does) but my sister in a fit of untimely affection had done some complicated seat swap so i had to get up and go sit next to her (dammit). then she had nothing to read, so she started looking over my shoulder to read my cosmo article on the different types of orgasms that there are, which was too weird so i had to flip to a more kosher page.
so there i was pissed off and nauseous, not able to read what i wanted to read, when she suddenly shot up straight, and looked funny. Like you would if you were passing gass or something. a really introspective kind of expression, like she was looking inward. so obviously her madly-in-love-with-her husband jumps up with some kind of psychic radar and leans over, and then they kind of giggle and whisper together in some totally revolting moment. and i'm trying not to notice but hello we're in a plane so go get a room or something, but then she looks over, grabs my hand, and puts it on her little belly.

and i feel a little kick.

i was three and a half, and my mother asked me if i wanted to feel my little brother kicking. i was holding my milk bottle (hmM three seems kind of old to have a bottle.. but anyway) and i nodded, and reached up so i could touch her belly. her hand dwarfed mine as she held it against one spot, and sure enough, my little brother was playing soccer in there.

i obviously didn't go near my other sister in her i'm-a-psycho-bitch-and-i-will-kill-you pregnancy, so i guess this kind of came at me from no where.

men have it so easy. they can pee standing up (esp useful during camping) and don't have to have to worry about some kind of virtual death sentence to have babies. i don't think i can ever have children. i won't ever look serene and bautiful or have that glow. i'd probably be throwing up all the time. plus 9 months is a bloody long time, and 9 pounds is a REALLY huge size to come out of such a tiny place. but then again i never thought i'd have the surgery, and here i am with titanium rods in my spine. life is weird like that sometimes.