what if?

i can't reread my blog. the one or two times that i've tried, i end up noticing all the spelling mistakes and awkward wording and the final product is so rehashed i just end up deleting the whole damn thing. so instead of going through the entire painful exercise, i just don't read anything i've written. for the most part anyway.

anyway. the topic of today ladies and gentlemen.

what if i quit my job tomorrow. what if i started my own business, my clothing line, my column, my own glossy magazine, my own art gallery. what if started taking my art classes, writing my book, taking salsa lessons and working out daily. what if i got healthier and happier and started socializing again, stopped being bored with the small talk and frustrated with the lack of anything to do. what if i took a vacation, starting from visiting M in new york, S in london, gucci in milan? what if i organized modelling shows, what if i did the event management i used to be so good at? what if i went for my masters in journalism, what if i went for a fashion design degree at FIT, or the art degree from Slade? what about my philosophy masters, my number theory masters, my pandering to every absolute whim and actually following through without all the mental turmoil?

would i be happy then? or would i just find out that with the more i do and the more i seek, the less i find? would i just be even more cynical and jaded, having filled out all the blanks in my life and realizing my life is still a blank?

analysis paralysis. too much thought leads to inaction. unfortunately for the intelligent, there are very few ways to silence the voices screaming in our heads all the time.