It almost 4 am and I’m hungry. I’m not getting the nando’s cake I’ve stashed in the fridge for some reason.

Why 1) What did he think? I’d just up and say “yes of coarse I’ll go out with you I barely know you and have spoken to you on three occassions in the last 6 years. We were in school together and spoke a grand total of three sentences then too. so that’s a total of 6 sentances in 16 years, and yes that sure as hell is enough for me to know, just know, that I’m in love with you, that I want you to be the father of my children, that I want to share something as sacred as a band of going out to label us. I was speechless at your audacity, at your stupidity, at your sheer annoyingness at putting me in such an awkward position which I SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN PUT IN. we’re NOT in school anymore, we’re ADULTS, in the REAL WORLD. GET REAL.
Idiot

Why 2) why do you not understand that I genuinely do NOT want to get out this saturday? I KNOW you’re literally twisting my arm because YOU want to go out but you don’t know N and J that well and you need ME there so you can hang out with them.

Why 3) WHY do you not understand me after knowing me since we were 6? When I say NO I MEAN NO. you just forced me to go along because you wanted me there, you wanted safety in numbers, you wanted backup.

If you guys were truly my friends you wouldn’t try to make me dance to your internal agenda. I only listen to you because I know I’ll need to use you at some point in the future, and I’m so going to call in this favor. I miss the days when I had M, who I’d do anything for, for absolutely no reason with the knowledge that she would do anything for me. Why did I lose that? When did selfishness and chootianess become priorities on the agenda?

Why 4) dancing hurts. Even wearing flat shoes. I can’t do it. hello, I have TITANIUM in there. i don’t have fun dancing anymore. When I sit, I don’t know anyone there. No one can have a conversation. I’m sick of small talk. I’m not INTERESTED in interacting with random people I don’t know and don’t WANT to know. Sitting around is not fun, talking is not fun, dancing is not fun. In fact, all activities mentioned above are actively painful. HOW do you say you’ve had a great time after hours and hours of all of the above?

Is it the same ability to just simply shut down your mind that makes you good at routine repetitive work that gets you promoted? Is it the same lack of a brain that makes you so easy to get along? Why do the stupid ones have the most uncomplicated hence happy lives? Why is the outcome of thinking such a miserable unhappy life?